Patrick

Remembering the day, my first born arrived. 

It seems like yesterday.

It's hard to think several years has now gone by, in what seems to be a blink of an eye. 

I don't like it.

This photo, was taken at the hospital where Patrick was delivered via "emergency" c-section, moments after he was "born".  I miss the "tiny" he once was.

Taking a walk back through time.....

One

Patrick started walking on his first birthday. This was a Poo party, lol.

Two

He insisted on a "Toy Story" party this year.

Three

He couldn't make up his mind on one character for his party, so we did all of them and had a Superhero party with all of them, he liked that.

Four

By year four we found out he was allergic to dairy, so we started making out own cakes. This was our dairy free, gluten free, Pirate cake we had for his pirate party.

Five

By five he was a huge Star Wars fan, so of course for his birthday I made him a dairy free, gluten free, Star Wars cake. (Yeah, it was pretty cool)

This year we are doing things a little different. Every year it seems that his birthday had fallen on a weekend, or close to it, but this year it's on Thursday. "Ah man, daddy has to work all day."
 So we are going to have our shindig on Saturday evening. We plan on firing up the new grill, and having family over in celebration. I will be making a cake. Of what you may ask? It's a surprise!

As far as today, Once the child awakes from his slumber, we will begin our "Birthday....Day". Can't wait, he was is excited. My baby boy turns SIX today. Amazing. 

Happy Birthday Son.

P.S.

While on my hunt to find all of the previous birthday photos, I found this one, one of my all time favorites of Patrick. Oh how I would love to hold that tiny Patrick again. Lol. Love it, love him.

I'm a Looser

Loosing weight makes me happy!

I have had two children, whom I love more than anything.

I would not trade them for anything in this world or outside of it.

But.........

Having children has definitely reeked some havoc on my body.

Things have moved, stretched, and frankly diapered in some cases.

With Norah getting older, and nursing less, (yes she is still nursing)

my body is finally starting to let go of some of the "Momma Bear" weight I put on.

With Patrick, I gained a whopping 60 pounds. I went from a size 7ish, to an 18 after he was born. I was devastated to look at my new body in the mirror. I went from complaining about love handles to stretch marks and rolls of skin I never had before, lol. My brain never got the memo that I gained so much because still to this day, I still dream thin, lol. It was impossible for me to loos weight after Patrick, my body seemed to want to store every ounce of fat. Once he quit nursing, I started loosing, and I was thrilled, but then......Pregnant again! Lol, I only gained 25 pounds with Norah, but that was on top of the 10 I gained from my miscarriage.

Anyway. With all of my diet changes, and recent increase in exercise, along with Norah's drop in nursing, my body is once again, slowly, but surly, dropping some weight.  

I am excited. I have never become used to my bigger body, and now I start to recognize myself in the mirror a little more.

Loosing is awesome. I like being a looser!

(lol)

After Norah was born I was back up to a size 16, in the past months I have dropped a little here, and a little there. Last week I went shopping for some clothing for Jared's wedding, and fit into a size 7/8! Maybe those pant's run big, but still, smaller than a 16. Someone give me a WooooooHooooo!

Megan & Kyle Kempf and Jared & Triston Rolan

Playing catch up today with multiple posts!

My cousin got married.
May 28th, also my birthday.

We missed it, and I so wish we could have been there. We would have been, but it did not work out. I am so happy for her. I hope she and Kyle are happy, he seems like a really good guy.

I can't wait to see all of the pictures. But here is one of my little cousin Megan, who I spent many summers with playing, and fighting, and taking swimming lessons, and vacation bible school with. Hard to believe we are all grown up now. Congrats cousin. I love you.

And as long as I am going to blog about one wedding, I might as well blog about two, lol.

My mothers, husbands, Son...got married over the weekend.

Jared is my stepbrother, and a funny guy. I love hanging out with my two stepbrothers, when they are around because they are so funny, and spend all of their time picking on each other, cracking jokes, and they always make me feel like one of the guys, lol.

Anyway, Saturday, Jared married a girl named Triston, who I have met several times and is so sweet and kind. I really like her. I shot the wedding for them, and took over 900 photos that I managed to slim down to exactly 331 photos, lol, for now. Soon I will be editing non stop. I thought I would share one of theirs as well.

It's almost here!

Art

I watched this beautiful video on YouTube last week, and was inspired.

So off to Hobby Lobby we went as a family.

We bought every color of paint, some canvas, a tarp, brushes, sponges, pom poms, glitter and anything else we thought we might be able to incorporate into our art, and set up.

The kids had a blast!

We moved our kitchen island, and table, and laid down the plastic over the entire kitchen floor, put on aprons, and went at it.

So I thought I would share some photos of the kids painting.

V is for Vasectomy

Yes, you read that correctly. 

We have two, beautiful, smart, wonderful children.

We are grateful, thankful and feel so blessed. We have, what we have always wanted.

A healthy, happy family......of four.

After Norah was born, the topic of a Vasectomy came up, a legitimate topic between two people who have begun procreating and didn't know where to go next. Now that we could get pregnant again, what are we going to do for birth control? We talked about it, and then we dropped it and it went away for a while. Then we talked about it again, never really making a decision, never really putting it to bed either.

The bottom line? A question and an answer.

Do we want more children?

Jerry-No!

Michelle-Maybe, but not now. 

So not even close to now, that it might as well be No.

We have talked, and talked, and talked some more about the possibility of a Vasectomy for Jerry. Neither one of us wanted to rush into anything, we both wanted to agree on it whether for, or against, and we both had to come to terms on whether or not this was for sure something we wanted to do. We have looked into other alternatives as well, but we both kept coming back to the "V" word. It's scary, because it's pretty much permanent.....forever.....can't change your mind.......ever.

We have done the research, watched videos, read blogs, to ease any questions and fears Jerry and I may have. I have realized this is a scary topic for many men, but a Vasectomy compared to pregnancy and childbirth seems very small to me. This is something Jerry and I have discussed in depth. How wonderful would it be if we could be close as a man and wife and not have the fear of another pregnancy. If we are truly done, what can it hurt? Nothing! God love him, he understands my fear in an unplanned pregnancy, and I understand his for a loss of financial security.

So with all of that said. Jerry gets the Super Dad and Husband award, for making our family of four permanent. He gets a high five for pushing through his fear and having courage. He gets a big thumbs up for for listening to his wife's fears and doing something about it. And I think it is a perfect way to celebrate Fathers day, lol, by committing to not having more than we can love, and support.

I know some may not agree with our decision, but it is one we have made together, and we are happy with it. I could not be more happy, or proud of my husband right now.

So on Friday, we will be in Lubbock, and Jerry will be getting a Vasectomy!

Sunday Mornings

LOVE them.

GIGGLES and SNUGGLES and SILLY FACES!

:)

Can you BELIEVE he is about to turn SIX?

And HER....she is AMAZING!

Dairy free, Gluten free Cheesecake Pie

Dairy free, Gluten free Cheesecake Pie

Preheat oven to 350

Crust:
1 1/3 cups finely crushed gluten-free/dairy free crisp cookies
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 cup vegan butter, softened

Filling:
1 (8oz)package dairy free cram cheese, at room temperature
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon almond or lemon flavoring, (I used lemon)
1/2 cup sugar

1) Lightly spray a 9-inch pie plate with nonstick spray

2) Put the cookie crumbs, cinnamon, and butter in a medium bowl. With a fork, mix the ingredients well. Press mixture onto the bottom and sides of the pie plate. Set crust aside.

3) Put the cream cheese, eggs, vanilla, flavoring, and sugar into a blender. Puree for 20 seconds. Remove lid and scrape down sides of blender. Cover and blend for another 20 seconds or until smooth.

4) Pour the cream cheese filling into pie crust. Bake for 25 minutes or until center is just set. (I baked mine an extra 10 minutes) Do not refrigerate the cheesecake until it has cooled completely.

A good day for a laugh

(Click on Photo to read)

I read, and saved this last week, it was passing around facebook. I got a good laugh out of it, and thought I would share it with you. Every now and then, I hut a low point in my day, but all it takes is something like this to get me laughing, and feeling better. Enjoy! I did :)

The 28th of May

 

I turned 28 on the 28th of May!

It's funny how every year you expect to "feel" different somehow, well I do anyway. I waited for it this year, and wondered, "Where is the excitement?", "Where is the tingly feeling?"

I have never really experienced either one of these but for some reason I expected my day, to be more....memorable, profound, I waited for some revelation.

It never came.

It was just another day.

I was kind of disappointed :)

I received Birthday cards in the mail, and so many online birthday wishes.

Jerry bought me a beautiful orchid.

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And I received a a bouquet of flowers  from my Father and his wife Anna, all the way from Sweden.

If anything, I can never complain about being loved too little. It is obvious, that I have wonderful family, and wonderful friends that I would not change for anything in the world. I feel blessed so often. 

Goodnight Moon

Well it is that time, where we are ending our day, and soon will all be tucked into our beds. We had the threat of rain tonight which excited us all, since we pretty much have not had rain since fall of last year. It is very dry. The clouds blew in, the lightning flashed, and for a brief few minutes you could actually smell the rain, but it never came.

I am excited to be sharing some new things on the blog soon. Up until this point I have mostly given family updates, and goings on, but I have decided to be a little more creative. I do not posses a large vocabulary, and can not form sentences like some I envy. Oh how I wish I could put a perfectly worded, and interesting blog like some, but alas, it is not my talent. If it were not for spell check, blogging would be hopeless for me. What I do possess is along the more creative side. So I plan to blog more, and share my hopes, dreams, and thoughts with you interlaced with family news.

So for now, I bow out. I am sad the rain never came, but it is a beautiful cool night, and for that I am thankful for as well. Goodnight world. Goodnight Moon. Until tomorrow......

My Therapy

A few weeks ago I decided I really needed some "me" time. Time to think, time for quiet, time without children demanding things of me, or climbing all over me invading my personal space. Yes, I have some of the best children you will ever meet, but they are children with needs none the less. Being home 24/7 with them, I love, however, a girl needs a little time for quiet, time to reflect, meditate, or vent.

I decided I would take up running. I wanted to loose some weight, and tone my body, but mostly I wanted that time for myself. So I spoke with a friend who runs, and made a list of everything I needed to do it efficiently, and went shopping. I bought some Brooks shoes for running, and two running outfits. I bought and arm band so I could carry my ipod with me.

I started one evening around 8pm, when the sun was going down and it was cooling off from the hot day. I started out walking, and when I felt ready pushed myself to run. I was disappointed my first night running, ashamed I could not do much, but I knew I could build on that. I ran/walked for about 20 minutes, and then was exhausted, lol.

I started going three to four times a week. I loved the time, I loved the peace, I loved having the track to myself at that time of day, and I loved the energy boost and rush from it all. I loved it. I love it. I was now staying out there for 35 minutes, and running more than walking.

But then one evening I went like I had been, and I walked and I ran. I noticed when I ran that it was harder for me, that I almost had to push my body forward, and my feet were hitting so hard. By the time I got home I had realized that I had run to much, to hard, and I had injured myself, specifically my left knee.

I talked with my running friend who then told me that it sounded as if I were dehydrated, and needed to make sure I was keeping fluids in me, especially before a run. In the mean time, I was now dealing with a very painful injury, not knowing if I actually tore or broke something. I limped around the house for two weeks.

I am glad to report that whatever it is, has mostly healed. I was pretty scared thinking I may have to go see an orthopedic doctor and have an MRI on my leg, man did it hurt. So, I have not been running in two weeks. I have missed it so much, I miss my therapy!

The plan is to stay well hydrated, and walk, not run to start back out with, and see what happens, but my god, I can't wait to be back out there. So three cheers for healthy knees, and getting back out on the track, lol!!! Yip, Yip, Yip!!!!!!

It's Timmy's Birthday!!

On the 23rd will be Timothy's birthday. For those of you who do not know, he is one of my ex's children, he once was my step child, and to me....I was his mother. His mother was absent, and when he learned to speak, he called me mom, and his real mother by her name. He was my baby, and in spite of all the horror of my relationship with his father, for that brief time I had a baby, and he had a mother, and we loved each other as such. 

Through the years I wondered about Tim and his brothers, and since moving back to Clovis have made an effort to be available for them. Jerry is very understanding of this, and realizes that they are children, innocent, and always seeking love. We give when we can, and I know it may never be enough, but I believe it is better than none at all. These children have been through hell and back, more than once, and they have gone through and seen things children should never have too. My heart aches for them every day. Here is my letter for Tim on his birthday.  

Dear Tim,

                I remember the night your mother went into labor with you. It was a nice warm night.

 I remember the first time I met you, and how adorable and tiny you were. I could easily say that I fell in love with you rather quickly.

Soon after you were born, your father and I were living with your grandma and grandpa and every now and then your mother would leave you over night. We didn’t have any baby stuff or a crib for you to sleep in, only a baby carrier, and I could not stand the idea of you in it alone all night in the floor, so you slept on my chest or in my arms.

I was there for your first words, Ball….and Light. You were so proud of yourself, and I remember standing in my mother’s house with you, holding you as you flipped the light switch on and off, over and over again, saying “Light” and surprised each time it came on, and each time it turned off. I was there when you began to crawl. I was there when you learned to walk.

I remember you as a small two year old who was so cuddly, and loved to be held. You loved to be read to, and would bring me books. I remember you at three, and how you would snuggle with me on the couch most evenings while we watched t.v.

You were a caring, loving, sweet little boy full of wonder and were always so affectionate. I will always remember you that way, as my little Timmy. You are such a wonderful part of my past, and you will always be dear to me and hold a special place in my heart, forever.

I know life has not been the most wonderful for you, and at times your childhood may seem like it has or had been stolen from you. My hope for you is that you do not let these things harden you, and make you hate the world. Instead I hope they give you strength, and teach you compassion. Having love and understanding for your fellow man is a great quality, and to learn humility……that is what a real man is made of.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you, all filled with love, and endless possibilities. You are such a wonderful child, and I love you with all my heart. I will always, and I want you to know, that I am so glad that you were born. I hope your day is special.

XOXO

 Happy  Birthday

Color in the sky

I love rainbows. I love the conditions you have to have in order to get a rainbow. I can not tell you when the last time this dry state had rain, especially a rainbow.

We recently went to Missouri, to see family and friends, and new babies that have been born into the family. It rained the entire time we were there, lol, oh Missouri rain. Everything was so lush and green, and all the spring dogwoods were in bloom, and the thunderstorms were wonderful. The day after we arrived, on Jerry and I's anniversary, we are got together at Jerry's sisters house for dinner. It had been raining most the day, and in the evening the clouds cleared just a bit, and the rain became a sprinkle and there was a rainbow. It made me feel like it was just for me. Here are some photos from that evening.

Her

I miss her..... She has been on my mind daily. I wonder where she is, if she is okay, if she is happy or sad. I wonder if she feels all alone, and that makes my heart so sad for her. Feeling like you have no one in the world, feeling so alone can be such a dark place, I have been there, and I hate to think that, that is where she may be. I hope that she knows that no matter what I will always love her, and no matter what she will always have family that is willing to be there for her. I hope one day she finds the strength to put aside her anger and hate and let those who love her in. Her being completely absent from our lives has been so hard, much like a death, and the one it has effected the most is Patrick. Patrick always talks of her, and says how much he misses her, and it is so sad that she has chosen to distance herself from even him. She can call at any time to speak with him, I would never keep the two apart, and made sure I asked her before she left that she would stay in contact. I hope she knows that she can reach out, and for whatever reason she has not, I hope she can work past it.


I wish her nothing but Peace, inside her mind and body.
I wish her nothing but love, that she feels it, so much she wants to share it, and accept it.
I wish her happiness.
I wish her success.
I wish her strength.
I wish her self confidence.
I wish her good health.
I wish her courage to discover new things about the world and herself.
I wish for her the feeling of wholeness.