The 24th.......wave goodbye

Well here it has been, and there it is going, lol, the 24th, my due date. I told everyone I knew I was going to go late again, and no one believed me, lol.

I'm really kinda bummed. Not because I am still pregnant and I can't stand it anymore, but because I have had this baby living inside of me for 9 months and I am ready to meet her or him. This baby was planned, we wanted this baby, love this baby, can not wait to see this baby, lol. I have been walking around all day rubbing the belly saying, "It's okay, you can come out now, we are ready for you." I don't know if it is working, lol. I know the baby will come when it is ready, I know this, and I would not have it any other way. The suspense is killing me though. Every day for the last 2 weeks has been leading up to this date. "Anytime the baby could come, the baby could be here anytime in the next two weeks." Of course this is knowing that I very well could go over. But now that the day of the 24th is nearly gone, I can't but help but feel that every day after is going to be horrible, waiting, thinking, planning, wondering when. It is no different in fact from the last 2 weeks, but somehow passing that date is disappointing.

Saturday night we had a false alarm, and ever since then I have had harder contractions randomly. Not braxton hicks, I have had those since 2 or 3 months in. These are stronger but with no order. People keep trying to convince me that this random pain is a good thing, that in the end I may have to do less work. That's great, and lets get on with it, lol. I am so ready. I want my birth experience, I want my child, and I am so ready to be a mommy to a new baby again. Patrick is so excited too he just can't wait, and has named his baby doll, Norah Lanie (which is our girl name). He has been intently taking care of his baby doll for the last two days, lol, I love it. He is going to be a totally awesome big brother.

So in any event. It could be any time now, lol.

We are all getting over our colds, which is indeed a good thing and will be wonderful not to have a house full of sick people when the baby does arrive. I am nervous and so excited. I am wondering how long I will be posting....."still no baby yet". In any event it will happen soon, and when it does, the baby will be ready and healthy and that my friends is all I truly care about.

3 Days

I really can not wait to turn this into an all about the new baby blog, lol. I keep thinking of all of the changes that will take place, and while most are pleasant and incredibly exciting, some are scary. For instance, to those who have more than one child this will sound like no big deal, and I am sure that a year from now it will be even different for myself, but the thought of having 2 children instead of one is like, whoa!

When Jerry and I embarked on our adventure to start a family, we were not alone. We had recently moved to Troy MO, after he had left the Air Force. His family and lifetime friends were there. It seemed that shortly after we were there a set of Jerry's friends announced they were expecting. 3 months later, we were in the same place, and then Nick and Jenny 2 months after, and then Jake and Ashley, and.....So I had more than one mom to be pregnant with, and for most of us it was our first child. After everyone had their babies everything seemed right in the world, we all had boys, and talked of the playmate years to come. Then something happened, everyone started on the second round, lol, and Jerry and I were not ready for that round, not then, and didn't know if ever.

We were comfortable being a family of three. Financially it worked. Time wise it worked, we were able to successfully balance our time, and this was a challenge for us. For most it may not have seemed like a hard task, but we had chosen to be child led, and practice Attachment parenting. So while others were bottle feeding I was nursing. While others could leave their babies in the other room to cry to sleep, mine was in bed with me, and while others could pick up and leave a fairly new baby and go on vacation, I could never even consider it. Because of our parenting style it became apparent to most I think, that we were dedicated and centered and family was now our number one priority. Jerry and I thought that for a long time, one child made sense, and anyone who knows Jerry, knows that he enters all things with a lot of thought and caution, the subject of having another baby was no different. We did grow apart from our Friends and we also moved, but we no longer had the one child, family of three in common. Now they had families of four, a toddler and a newborn, and very busy lives.

Those who have read my blog from the beginning know that having another baby is something we talked about for a long time. Just about the time Patrick hit 2, I thought, "My baby is growing up and I want another one", lol. Then he hit three, and it seemed like every time I turned around there were new babies everywhere. We would be standing in line at Wal-mart behind a new mother and child and I would turn to Jerry and say, "I want one." He always would giggle at me.

Jerry and I hit a bit of a ruff patch about 2 years back, and it was my fault, and I will always be eternally grateful to him for not ever giving up on me and holding my hand through the issues I needed to work through. Most men would not have done it. Jerry knew I had some things to work through, and throughout our almost 6 years together we have both grown together and separately. After, and I mean well after.We didn't jump into it to be a fix, Jerry and I sat down and had the baby talk, and finally decided to go for it.

Now here we are, days away from becoming parents to 2 children instead of one. To 2 children! I feel as if I am getting ready to gain a motherhood badge lol, like one child is beginner, and the 2nd becomes the real deal. People ask if we will have anymore after this one, and I just laugh, we don't even have this one yet. We really have no plans for any more children, this one was not in our plans until it was. Is it possible we may have more? Yes. Do I know when? No. We will take it one day, week, month, and year at a time. You never know. Jerry and I have always talked of adopting. I have many children in my life whom I love right now, and I am in no rush to add more to the mix.

Anyway, 2 kids, whoa! Can't believe it. And I have to say I am proud of Jerry and mine's ability to control ourselves, lol, or our...."reproduction". We really are thrilled with the spacing, and we wanted to be young parents, but not to young. Speaking of which........Jerry's birthday is coming up very soon, I have no idea what to get him. I didn't know if I could pass off the new baby as a birthday gift or not, lol, what do you think? He will be a handsome 27 years old on September 3rd. A very sexy 27 indeed, lol. I love him. Can't wait. So excited. Hope everyone has a good day.

5 Days

Our due date is now five days away and guess what? I have a cold! A nasty vicious cold. My midwife assures me that I will not have this baby until my body has healed. I sure hope, and have prayed for this to be true. I would rather not have a cold, and a baby all at the same time.

Midwifes orders? Drink lot's of water and get as much rest as possible. That is what I am doing, and it is entirely stressing me out, lol. I have been trying to not think of all the things I should be getting done leading up to the arrival of the baby. Oh well. Not having a spotless house is not going to kill anyone. Everything having to do with the actual baby is ready, so no worries there.

On the agenda for today.......drinking......lots.........of water!

Tick.....Tock......

The day is getting closer, and closer, and closer and I can't but help be a little nervous. The worst part of it all is waiting. Could it be today? Tonight? Perhaps next week? I have tried on more than one occasion to use my esp, to communicate and coordinate the arrival day, lol. Mind over matter! My neighbor would like to take bets on the day, her guess is the 18th. I told her that it's an impossibility because my mother will be out of town, and this baby has to come when she is here, lol. I asked Jerry if he wanted in, on betting, his reply is, "I think the baby will come......when the baby is ready to come", lol, punk.

The baby will come when he or she is ready and I can not wait. It seems to be all anyone wants to talk about too. I am excited, but I do have other interests besides my belly, lol. The thing that probably gets on my nerves the most is comments about how uncomfortable I must be because of the heat. Yeah, I get hot, not just because I am pregnant, but also because it's 100 degrees outside, everyone is hot, not just me, lol.

Patrick and I have spent the day together snacking and playing, I am glad. I decided I am going to spend what time I have left before the baby comes, focused on him. After the baby gets here, we will all have to share, and the attention will be divided. I feel a loss for Patrick, but maybe it's not that big of a deal, I really don't know. He is going from an only child for 4 whole years, to all of a sudden being an older sibling. He will have to learn patience and understanding, he will have to learn to self entertain, he will have to do more for himself, learn to share and so on. I almost feel as if the addition of another child will force him to grow up even more, and that saddens me. I am the oldest of five, and always felt alone, and burdened. I hope I can find a balance for Patrick that keeps him from having to do anything to fast, or that will make him feel abandoned. He is my baby and always will be.

How You Doin?

Been busy!

Tried to get some sewing done, hasn't happened!

Managed to get my refrigerator cleaned out and filled from grocery shopping. At this point, I told Jerry we can't eat anything because if we eat all the food I bought, there will be

nothing left and

then the baby will come, lol.

Have babysat twice in the last week, attended and AP meeting, had two photography sessions, edited photos, shopped, watered house plants, talked baby talk, played with Patrick, checked on my tomatoes, cleaned like crazy, dishes and so on , yada, yada, yada, and

now....................nothingness. I am taking a break.

I have been feeling so overwhelmed and people seem to keep showing up to my door with needs, not that they are bad needs, but honestly an inconvenience. I hate to offend anyone, but I am tired. I know people need help, and that's why I help, it's the right thing to do, and if I were in the other persons shoes you bet your buttons I would hope someone who grace me with the

help. The only tiny problem here is that, well.....I'm due to have a baby in the next 2 weeks, lol. I love helping others, so if you read this, and I have helped you recently, please do not take offence. It is not the action itself, I am more than happy to oblige, I am just tired.

I broke a a nail this week. I feel like such a girl, lol.

My new friends Brandy and Franchesca just had a baby, I got to hold her today. Franchesca had a home birth, like I will and did an amazing job. It was her first child, and she was due the same day as I am. I am kinda bummed that they get their baby and I still don't have mine, lol.

Got the call today that Jerry's baby sister may possibly be going into labor, she is due two weeks after me, now it looks like her child may actually end up being older than ours, lol. Funny how

things work. I figure, Patrick was 10 days late, this one might as well be, seems like I just might end up having stubborn babies, but then again you never know, I still have 2 weeks.

I can't believe how close it is getting. I don't even really feel that pregnant, and my weight scars me because it is so good, lol. I have only gained 25 pounds and am waiting for the dial to move, especially now in these last few weeks, I want that baby to plump up a bit, lol.

Jerry had to help me put on my underwear last night, can't seem to do some things on my own right now, lol. Funny me saying that after mentioning I don't really feel that pregnant. Jerry

thinks I am in denial, lol, he says the belly has grown, I have not noticed. Although......there was

that incident at Hastings last week, lol, you didn't hear about it? I was sure at least the whole town had heard about the fat pregnant chick that totally side swiped a stack of dvd's with her belly because they were in her blind spot, lol. Movie's everywhere. Took the clerk a moment to realize that I really just did not see them, that they were out of my, "line of sight" due to the gargantuan belly, lol.

My friend Heidi bought me tu-tu's from a yard sale to use for my photography, does that not

make her like the best Friend ever? She's so awesome. I love you Heidi.

Any who, enough yammering from me, wanna see some pics form my last few shoots? You do? Okay heres a couple!

Apologies

I have not written in a little while, and promise too soon. Every time I think I am ready to commit to write every day, something comes up. We have been so busy trying to tie things up here and there, getting ready for the baby, and me starting my photography. I promise to fill in all of the details soon! Apologies