What?

I keep meaning to blog, but it just hasn't happened. Every day I tell myself I need to, and every day I find a reason not to, meaning no time.There has been so much going, but hopefully I will have more time soon.

Summer is doing well, finished her first semester of college.
Norah is getting over a cold.
Patrick got his third stripe on his belt last week in tea-kwon-do.
Jerry has been working hard, and still loves his job.
Jerry and I are doing great, so much in love, 7 years together now.
Annie is moving in with us for a bit.
And so much more, but thats a quick update. Will post pics of the kids soon.

Whats Up!

I have not blogged in a bit.
I have busy, as always.
I promise a blog soon, I have new photos of the kids to upload and will get to that later today...maybe.

Patrick's schooling is going well, we are working on Jj and the number 12 this week. Our reading is coming along, slowly but surly. He always wants to guess the words by looking at the pictures instead of sounding them out. It is a work in progress.
Patrick has had a cold this week, but is much better today.

Norah is doing well, working on that 7th tooth of hers today, a molar, and they always cause her great pain and a fever. She has trouble nursing and gets easily  frustrated because of her swollen gums. Norah has developed quite the temper lately, and I am still trying to figure it out. She is very opinionated and makes herself known when she wants something or disproves. Norah also has been learning new words daily and is so proud of her ability to communicate and be understood.

I have been crocheting, meeting at a friends home once a week, and I am loving it. I have been sewing as well, and can never find enough time to tackle the projects I want, but maybe one of these days. Most days I stay busy with cooking, cleaning, naps, and school teaching. Tuesdays are my crochet class, Wednesdays are playgroup and in the evening we have takeout and family game night. Fridays are tae-kwon-do, and so that really only leaves me Mondays and Thursdays without having to be anywhere by a certain time, so those days tend to be our laziest and most relaxed.

Jerry has a cold right now, he sounds horrible, his voice, and I got him set up with some meds that might help. I may end up sending him to the dr. if he does not get better soon. Work for him is going well, and he has signed us up for the upcoming Christmas parties next month.

We are heading to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. We will be there for a couple of days, and will be visiting family and friends. We usually hit up Missouri and Oklahoma on any holiday trip, but Jerry's sister and brother are both expecting new babies in the new year, and he wanted to make a separate trip to visit when the babies arrive. Can't wait.

And ......thats about it, for now. I will post some new photos of the children soon!

My handsome Brother

Jacob came by yesterday and had me take a few pictures of him. He does not have many of himself, and was hoping for just one good one. So I thought I would post his favorite one here.

Sunday update

It looks as if Sunday's are a good day to blog. Saturday's are always busy because it is the first day of the weekend and we have lots to do, but Sunday's are a much slower pace.

This morning the kids slept until after 10am, and I made pigs in the blanket per Patrick's request. He asked me to make them Thursday, so I went out yesterday and picked up what I needed to make them.

I had a great talk with my sister today on the phone for an hour and a half. I miss her so much, Love you Ann!

Patrick got his Halloween costume in this week, he is going to be Harry Potter.

Norah is talking so much, it amazes me every time I hear her try to say something new. She is getting so big.

Finally got her social security card in the mail, that was nice.

I had my hair done, and really like it!

Norah and I

Our Week

Last week is over, and now we are heading into a new one. I have not blogged in at least a week.

We went to the pumpkin patch!

   Our week was a good one, changes, fun, and we made a lot of progress with our home schooling this week.

I thought I would also share some photos tonight as well, since I really have not posted many recently.

What went on this week.

   We have been cleaning house, getting rid of things we don't need or really have a place for. It has been a long hard process simply because our time is precious and limited to do projects as that. We have the back, extra room nearly cleaned out to make a space for Norah to have her own space. Right now it will be a play room, and eventually, her own bedroom. I have her room already decorated and done in my head, lol, and someday will make it reality. Very excited about it.

   We quit co-op, lol, after two weeks. We decided it wasn't for us. Why, you ask? Well......It's a Christian co-op group. In theory this sounds great, and welcoming, but I found it the opposite, and was actually quite disturbed by some of the things I saw and heard there. 

   The fact is that as a standard "Christian" most believe that God is both good and evil, a hypocrite, an abusive father, and that he can change his mind at any given time causing confusion for no apparent reason, other than to "Teach us a lesson". They have created God out of their own image, and believe he has all of the characteristics of them, including the desire to control, confuse, manipulate, and discipline their children with physical, corporal punishment. The first issue for me was just that, most of these parents seemed to fully embrace the old testament and the belief that physically disciplining their children is of god. I obviously disagree with this. We do not spank in our home, we implement positive reinforcement and time outs, and my children are very well behaved. I do not spank, because spanking is hitting, and hitting is wrong. Spanking hurts, I have no desire to hurt my children. I have no desire to threaten them with a spanking to get them to comply, I have no desire to put fear in my children. How can I possibly teach my children that hitting is wrong, and then hit them? I can't, this causes confusion, it teaches them that I am better than them or elite because I am an adult and they are not, (as if they have any choice in the matter). It also teaches them that I am a hypocrite, and that the "double standard" is okay. I respect my children, I love them, and their innocence, and in our home we use our words to communicate, and we don't kill their right to express themselves. Patrick knows the rules, and he knows the consequences as well, but we do not hit. We practice Attachment Parenting in our home, and spanking is just one of those things I believe is wrong, based on my own experience, based on my heart, and based on documents, studies, and research that prove that spanking injures your child in more than one way. 

   So that was the main reason, we just don't fit in. I see these women snarl, threaten, and lead children by their arms with a firm grip. They exercise their "eliteness" over them, as if they have no worth, feelings, as if they are not human and deserve respect. What ever happened to, "Treat others as you would like to be treated"? So as you can tell, I had an issue with this, big one. 

   I also hated the fake everything. The, "Hi, I'm 35 but look 50, I have 10 kids, and home school, and my husband is never home but I am extremely happy and I always have a smile plastered on my face" kinda thing I kept running into. I also had issues with some of the things they were telling the kids. Anyway, we are not going back.

   We have started our own little home school group, a non religious one, just me and a few friends, who knows it may grow.

   Patrick has been doing so great with his schooling and I am so proud of him. He is learning so much. He is starting to read, is learning to tell time, can now count to 100, and we have started on 1st grade math because he is that awesome. This last week we were doing the Letter D and the Number 7. Here he is writing his 7's.

This is Norah, Friday morning eating her eggs for breakfast in her adorable long johns, lol.

   She is communicating so much. She shakes her head yes an no when you ask her questions. She talks constantly, and voices her opinion 24/7 with screams and squeals. She is running, and wrestling with Patrick. She loves to hand out "High 5's" to everyone she meets, she climbs everything, and she loves animals. She now has her two top and bottom teeth, and I suspect more are coming very soon.

   This week I went by Lowes to see what was on sale since fall is in the works and I found a Mexican Lime tree for $13.00, so I bought it. I picked the only one that had a "big" lime on it, and the day after I bought it I potted it and took a photo. Little did I know someone with sneaky little hands would follow shortly behind me and pluck it from it's little branches. Have a look.

Oh, I made mittens for Patrick today. I went yard selling about 2 weekends ago and found an old mens wool sweater. I cut it up, and made mittens. Patrick will be in style and comfort this winter. I lined the inside with fleece, they feel mighty fine he tells me.

And thats about it for now. We have a new week starting tomorrow, and we are excited about what is before us. I still have some blog catching up to do, and maybe I will find time tomorrow.

Good Night!

My day, in a Nutshell

Hey there,

We have been busy the last two weeks.
We are doing Home School every day of the week, with the weekends off.
We have been doing Home School co-op every Friday for the last 2 weeks, and will for another 4.
We also have Tae-kwon-do every Friday evening.
We had two play dates this week, which was great, and will be adding one of those as a regular Wednesday visit.
I have been cleaning out all of the stuff in the house that has no place, and have continued my desire to downsize, I have been getting rid of a lot of things, and this makes me happy.

A rundown of my day, (typically) unless it's Wednesday, or Friday, lol:

I get up in the mornings with Jerry at 6am.
After he leaves at 7:00-7:30 depending on the day, I sit and get online with my cup of steamy coffee in hand. I check my email and my facebook page and see what the world has to say and who is up earlier than I am.
I get anywhere from 1-2 hours alone before baby girl wakes up and wants to nurse. In this time I do different things, fold laundry, read, look at a magazine, work out, just sit and think about the day.

I listen to the monitor for Norah to let out that one cry she does to let me know she is aware she is in bed alone and I need to join her. I usually slip back into bed at that time, and nurse her back to sleep while I watch something on t.v. and try to sneak back out of bed, this of course does not always work.

Once Norah is awake, it is all about her, lol. First order of business? Breakfast! Norah loves food, and it is the first thing she wants in the morning besides her brother.

Eventually Patrick emerges from the bat cave, either by choice or from me calling his name 900 times, either way the first thing on his mind is food as well.

We eat and get dressed, and try to start our Home School day as soon as possible. We start around 9am and go until about 11-11:30am. We have to finish before 12, because Phineas and Ferb comes on and Patrick will die if he knows it's on and he can't watch it, lol.

We start off the day with the day of the week, and the weather. Then we mark off the calendar, and say the Pledge Of Allegiance. Then we start on a lesson, or theme. Each week we focus on a letter and number. We write, read, do a word of the day, memorization, shapes, matching, bigger than, less than, science, and we have even started on 1st grade math because he is supper smart. Oh.....did I mention my son is reading? He is! Every day he gets better, but he is doing so good, and he is so proud of himself.

Then comes lunch, and a little lite cleaning if possible. Patrick watches his t.v cartoon, and Norah goes down for a nap around 1pm. I now have about 2 hours to hang with Patrick, and do some things around the house.

By 3 or 3:30 Norah is up, and in a great mood ready to eat again, (the girl can put some food away). At this point I attempt to finish whatever I was doing, and get the dishwasher and washer going, vacuum, things I could not do while she slept. Now it's 4-4:30 and it's time to think about dinner. Jerry walks in the door anywhere between 4:50 and 5:20 and so starts the process of dinner, conversation, cleaning up dinner, jammies, teeth brushing, and bed by 10pm so we can begin again.

Wow, I feel tired just from writing it all down

School Days

We are in full swing of things now, I tell you.

Home School Rocks!

Patrick is loving it, and I am too, it just seems like the way it should be. No separation anxiety, no worrying all day, not parent teacher conferences, or required time in the classroom, I don't have to worry about him eating something he shouldn't because of his food allergies, or kids being mean to him, or teachers belittling him. The thought of being away from my child all day, freaks me out, and no one can teach him like I can.

I hear from several moms about a certain elementary school in town, "It's the best", all the mom's try to get there kids enrolled in kindergarten there. However.....this particular school only has two kindergarten classes, and each has 28-30 students. 1 teacher, 28-30 students. How could this possibly be conductive to a good start in education? There is no possible way that teacher can meat the needs of the children. I see schools like feed lots now, lol, no really, they cram as many in there as they can for the cost, the health, wellbeing, sanity, emotional stability, or quality of life are of no value.

We joined the local home school co-op and  joined in a pic-nic last night as a kick off for the fall co-op. We are really excited. It was really neat to be among all those people, our own little community of home schoolers. The cool thing is, we all have at least that one thing in common. I can't wait for co-op to begin. It is a Christian group, which does not bother me either way, (we don't go to church) and we will be meeting every Friday afternoon for 6 weeks. Very exciting!

We ran into some acquaintance's of Jerry's last weekend, and the woman present started talking with Patrick. (I was not present for the conversation, but Jerry told me about it after the fact)She started asking him things like , "How old are you?", "What's your name?" and so on. She then starts to quiz him in a sense, and then comments on how bright he is. She asks what school he is going to, and he proudly says, "I go to home school". She seemed to be a bit taken back, and then asked him some more questions, as if to determine whether or not I was doing a good job, lol. She then tells Jerry how impressed she is, and how smart he is, and how much he knows for a five year old, which is awesome, but Jerry is telling me this and I am thinking, "Why does she care?" He smiles at me and tells me that she is a kindergarten teacher in town. So the moral here is, that I rock, lol! Sometimes I doubt myself and my ability to teach him, teach him well, but it was so nice to have the compliment from her. She was impressed, and I should be too. Patrick is smart, and a great, enthusiastic learner, and I love making learning fun for him.

This week we did so much, I am so proud of him.

He memorized in one day a limerick, and here it is.

There was an old man from Peru,

who dreamed he was eating his own shoe,

he woke in a fright,

in the middle of the night,

and found it was perfectly true.

Lol, we thought it was cute and fun to learn.

Things Patrick can do thus far:

Can count to 100

Can count backwards from 10

Knows his ABC's

Knows all of the sounds every letter makes

Knows all of the days of the week

Knows how to Spell and Write his name

He knows all of his shapes and colors, has since he was 2 1/2

Some of the things we have been working on:

Phonics/Learning to read

Five senses 

How to tell time

Adding and Subtracting

Money

She has my heart

Reflecting back.

This day last year, I was a full 9 months pregnant, and a good five days over my due date. I had been going in and out of labor for a week, which seemed like a month, lol. I had not had much sleep, and more than once had tried to kick labor into gear by going to the track and walking. Honestly I could have stayed pregnant forever, I love being pregnant, but it was the going in, and then out of labor several times that was getting to me. We determined later that the reason labor would start and then stop was because Norah, was sucking on her hands and moving her head in and out of the cervix.

A year ago today, I started labor for real. I went into labor around 6pm, and Norah would eventually get here, but not until 1:56pm the next afternoon. Boy was that a challenge for me.

Patrick was 10 days late, we lived in MO, and midwifery was illegal, so my only option was a hospital birth. We carefully chose what we thought was the best one, and had mixed feeling about the experience afterwards. Patrick was an induced baby, I thought I had no other choice, my doctor told me how much danger I was putting my child in, being 10 days overdue, and showed up for my induction. Of course this induction, immediately led to an emergency c-section, so I never got to experience labor, at all.

Most know I wanted Norah's birth to be different, and I defended my choice to all that had concerns. I am so thankful for the family I have, and even though some thought I was not making a smart decision, they still supported me in my choice.

Having Norah at home was amazing, and it is very hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that a year has passed, I don't think I will ever stop being amazed at how fast time goes by.

Laboring the whole 20 hours or so with Norah was incredible........and painful, but I am so glad I had the experience. I wanted the pain, I wanted the blood, sweat, and tears. I wanted to be able to tell my child that I brought her into this world the best way possible, and that my labor was one of love, and sacrifice. It was hard, it was my first labor, and everything everyone told me about the end of the journey was true. We didn't know Norah was a girl, I hoped she was, I prayed she was. I remember like it was yesterday, pushing her, and then my beloved midwife saying to me, "Michelle, grab your baby." I leaned forward and I grabbed her under her arms and lifted her out and onto my chest. In that moment, complete and utter happiness. The pain was over, and I had just birthed my child, a 8 pound, 12 ounce child. I was so thrilled, proud, overwhelmed, and tired, that I had not even looked to see if she was a boy or girl. My midwife asked me, "Well, is it a boy or girl?" I looked and low and behold, she was a perfect baby girl.

I will never forget that day, it is so special to me, and it was the day I became a mother again, and to a daughter. She has my heart forever. I wish so many things for her in her life, and I hope I can be a good teacher.

Tired

I am tired. I feel so worn out. Is this a bad thing for me to be saying here? I really don't have any other place to say it.

I hate to complain, and typically, I am the positive energetic type, but lately.....well..........

I feel misunderstood, under appreciated, and invisible.

I don't know what to do about it.
Normally, it passes. I usually tell myself not to sweat the small stuff and to accept whatever has happened with a grain of salt. See the positive, put a smile on my face and move forward. But it has been harder for me to do, especially lately. I can't help but think that some things need to be addressed if they keep coming up, but I don't know. Am I making to big of a deal of it? Should I just let it go?

I got to that point this evening, where I felt just so tired, so overworked, so done, that I was having trouble even talking, as if I laked the strength to mutter the words, "yeah, I'm fine", which you all now know is not truth.

When I sit and try to think of what truly is the problem with me at this point I tell myself the same thing over and over. "I am just so tired.........of everything." I feel like I am eighty. My body hurts, and is neglected. I am mentally exhausted beyond belief, and my stress level is through the roof, and even though I know it may not be true, feel like a complete stranger would get me more than my husband right now.

Why is that?

I pride myself really, in usually having it together. Most of the time I feel incredibly happy, and love my life.

And don't get me wrong, I do. I have everything I need, and some. I have some of what I want, and am thankful for all of it. I have two children I adore and love more than my life. I have a husband who treats me well 99% of the time.

I sit here and go, wow, I have it pretty dang good, what the hell is the matter with me? Like many, I am sure, I have complaints, who doesn't? But, still..........something is bothering me, and I hate being in a funk.

Well, can't blog anymore, now I am sick of myself as well, lol. I feel like the donkey Eore.

Sleep

I woke up this morning with a headache. I have not been sleeping all that well lately, suffering from some insomnia perhaps. Or maybe it has something to do with this, lol.

I love this illustration from Hathor the Cow Goddess.

Coffee

I love to start off my morning with coffee. I feel like the walking dead without it, and I don't even think it's the caffeine, I can have decaf and it still wakes me up. Maybe it's the hot drink itself. In any event, I brew a small pot every morning, and eagerly wait for it to be finished. Then, if the kids are still sleeping, I will take my coffee, and the baby monitor, and go drink my hot, steamy, cup, out on the front porch. 

Yummy Dairy Free Mango Dressing

I had to share this salad dressing recipe because it was so yummy, and I was so excited because it was so creamy, without having any dairy in it. Most dressings that are not a vinaigrette, or Italian, contain dairy.

We struggle to find yummy, dairy free alternatives, and sometimes I find myself wishing so badly that I could eat what others do, but I realize that this allergy is a blessing in disguise. We are so much healthier because of it.

Anyway, here it is.

And here is my salad.

Lucky Me

Well, hello there.

I am here once again to brag about my life and my kids, because they are both great you know.

It is 8:03am on a Saturday morning, and I feel as if I should still be in bed, but I am not. I woke up with a headache, but hopefully after a little light exercising and a cup of coffee that will fade, if not theres always Tylenol.

I was sitting on my front porch drinking my cup of coffee, watching the monitor, waiting for Norah to move, wake, cry, when like a wave, peace, contentment, and happiness came over me, and I smiled.

I have days yes, where I would rather claim someone else's life, but most of the time I am perfectly fine with my own. I am thankful for so many things.

 I love my husband. I mean really love him, lol. He gets me. Even when I am crazy, complicated, and don't make any sense at all, he still knows exactly how to handle "me". He loves me no matter what. I love that I can count on him. If I am having a bad day, I can call Jerry at work, and he will listen, or talk me down. He is supportive, and understanding almost always. I love that I can go to him with a problem, or ask him for help, and he hears me, and tries to help me more. I know I am loved by him in so many ways, but the most special and important way right now, is that he is my rock, my friend, my father, my debate partner, my lover, the father of my wonderful children, and my husband. He is my support, he knows what I need emotionally and he does his best to fill that need, he knows I need security, and he tries his best to make sure I feel secure in every way. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so chosen, to have my Jerry. Jerry and I were brought together by a force greater than us, and I am so grateful that he was put in my life path. Thank you Jerry, for being the man of my dreams.

I am thankful for my two beautiful children. I can not imagine my life without them.

Norah is so full of life. She amazes me in every way. I have so many hopes for her for her life. She is interested in everything. She loves to be outside, and right now her favorite thing outside is bugs! She loves rollie-pollie's! She laughs and claps and squeals at the bugs, and points and says "Bu", "Bu" for bug. Norah wakes up happy everyday, she smiles, and laughs, and loves on me. There is nothing better than the love from a child, and nothing better than waking up with her every day.

Patrick is my fantasy child. I love how he pretends...constantly. He changes clothes 10 times a day, and pretends he is someone different with each outfit change. He is usually eager to help with anything, and can be easily persuaded to do my bidding, (being picking up after himself). Patrick is, without a doubt, the best big brother ever. He is so good with Norah, and helps me with her so much. He is so sweet, and loving, and I feel so lucky to have him as one of my children.

I don't know how it works, but sometimes I feel like my kids chose me for a reason, and that we all deserve each other. I have so many good hopes and dreams for my children and family. I love them so much, and they are all my favorites.

My climber!

Norah is climbing, everything!

Yesterday she was climbing on to Patrick's bed. The day before she was climbing into this little red chair, and later in the evening Jerry watched her climb onto the coffee table, lol. She is trying to climb anything and everything. Patrick did not do this until later, and honestly I am a little freaked out that she is already doing this. She is so small, and not walking yet. Anyway, here she is at lunch the other day, she climbed into the red chair, and she was so proud of herself, she was clapping, and squealing, and was just boasting with pride, lol. Thats my girl!

My Kiddo's

I can not imagine my life without my kids.

Patrick is the best big brother ever, and I know as the two get older, he will be there to protect, pick on, and love his little sister.

I always wished I had a big brother, I was the oldest.

I love it that my daughter has a big brother, to lead, to comfort, and entertain her.

Patrick has always been more serious, a thinker, than care free, and that is okay, that is who he is. But occasionally, and more frequently now that he is older, I can get him to show me his silly side, and he loves to.

My kids really like each other, and I love that. They get along most days, and play well together. Now that Norah is a little bigger, they can roll around in the floor together. Norah thinks that everything her big brother does, is the absolute coolest and funniest thing ever. Patrick loves to make her laugh and giggle, and when she is in a good mood, it's not hard to do.

Every time we go anywhere, people make comments about how much Patrick and Norah look alike. I know they do, but sometimes I can't help but think they say that because of their ears, lol.

I love my kids to death, with all of my heart. Yes, we have days where everyone is cranky and we don't get along so well, but who doesn't? They bring me so much joy. They make my heart happy. They make me feel alive. And I would not trade them for anything. I mean it! They entertain the crap out of me, and each one of them does something everyday that makes me smile, or that makes me proud. I think have have really great kids, and thank God for them all of the time.

There has been "controversy" in the media this week about the taboo question of parenting. Are parents actually happy? Do children make you happy?

I really have been surprised by what I have heard lately. I imagine I will blog about it at another time and share my thoughts on the subject. But for now.........will leave it alone.

All about Norah

Tonight will be a late night. Norah's evening nap went a little late today, and now at 11pm she is still revved up and going, going, gone, lol.


I thought that since it is just her and I this evening, that I would blog about her. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my baby girl?


She is something else. I have never met a child like her, and she is so different from Patrick in every way.
Norah, always wakes up Happy!  I love co-sleeping with her, it brings me great joy. Jerry is gone in the mornings most of the time when I get up, but I always have a sweet, smiling face greeting me each morning. There truly is no better way to start off the day.


Norah loves to make funny sounds, and thinks she has some kind of gift, she takes great pride and joy in the discovery of a new sound she can make with her mouth.


I love how excited she gets about everyday things. She will laugh and giggle over nothing.


She loves to clap, and dance, and she loves music. We have one of those leap frog refrigerator magnet things, lol, and if you put a letter or number in it tells you what it is, and if you press the red button, it sings the ABC's. Norah loves to press that little red button, and she moves her mouth and sings like she is singing the abc's right along with it. It is so cute watching her prepare herself, and she just can't wait to start clapping along.


Norah has learned to stand alone, and claps for herself.


Tonight Jerry got out of the shower, I has holding Norah on one hip, and I came up behind Jerry to rub his neck, and head, and to love on him. She watched, and then she turned towards me, and took both hands and started stroking my head, gently, from the top, all the way down. She is not even 1 years old, but she fully understood that I was loving on Jerry, and then turned to show me the same form of affection. She is so small, but constantly taking in everything, learning, thinking, growing. It astonishes me every single day.


I put my bedroom wall mirror in the living room floor today, and as I sat at my laptop in the kitchen, checking my facebook page for the third or fourth time during the day, I caught Norah making faces at herself and fake crying, watching her reflection. It was something really neat to watch. I already thought she was a pro with the fake crying and her faces, but apparently they needed some fine tuning.


Norah is full of life. She loves to snuggle, and she loves to roll around in the covers. She is strong, and sensitive. She is perfect, and I love her so much. I adore her personality, and her mannerisms. I like her a lot, and I think she likes me to :) She will forever be my baby girl, and I will never, ever stop being her mommy.

BUBBALou Bands Giveaway

I had to blog about this giveaway on another blog. It increases my chances to win, lol. I am all up for free stuff. As some of you know, I have been trying to kreep my way into photography, and I am specializing in pregnancy and newborns. On of these would be perfect for my newborn photography, and even absolutely adorable on my baby girl

So her it is.

http://thismamarazziphotoblog.blogspot.com

The giveaway is for one of these adorable BUBBALou Bands

You can find her Etsy store here

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And you can find them here on facebook

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My little Piggy

Norah loves me playing "This little piggy" with her toes.

Norah, being Norah, lol. She is exploring everything, crawling or standing. She is walking while holding on to everything. She has been doing laps around the coffee table. For the last two weeks she has been letting go, and standing on her own. Of course she is not standing long, she gets so excited and proud of herself that she starts clapping and then falls, lol. She is way cute, at least I think so. :)

It appears that Norah has Blue eyes. I have been in denial for a while I suppose, believing they would be green like Patrick's, but hers are so light, with a dark ring around the outside. Some days they seem kinda green, so I guess they may he labeled as a hazel. In any event, they are stunning, and everywhere we go, her eyes are the first thing people comment about.

Norah is going on 11 months old. I can not believe how fast the time goes by. It is almost supernatural.

Norah waves and says Hi. She is also doing Hi5's which I think are supper cute. She is saying mama and dada, she shakes her head yes and no when you ask her a question as well. I have begun teaching her baby sign language and she seems to get a kick out of me making all of the signs to her when I am talking.

Norah loves music, and she claps and dances.

Norah loves the pool, and she got a kick out of the fireworks show.

Tae-kwon-do

Patrick has been to two classes so far. He loves it.

Patrick is in Little Dragons, for ages 5-7.

They start out class by doing some warm up exercises like jumping jacks, sit ups, toe touches and jump roping. Then they move on to learning their stances, arm movements and kicks. He is

really loving it. Here are a few pictures of his first class.

Aa-The very beginning of our Home-school adventure

We are starting our homeschooling. Patrick turned 5 in June, and as soon as we hit the end of August he is required to go to school.

Some may think, especially with all of the other things I do with the kids, that I am just as crazy as they thought, lol, but I have my reasons.

We have decided to home-school for the following reasons.

a)Patrick is not vaccinated, he had reactions to the first two sets, therefore, we did not finish his vaccinations and we would be indefinitely harassed for this decision when having Patrick in the public school system. We can get a waver, however, the school system treats parents like criminals and the children as if they were diseased in situations like this.

b)The school system here sucks.

The last years review of the public school system, and the academic rating was some of the lowest in the country. Out of 13 schools in Clovis, I believe that

10 failed to meet all of the requirements. The schools here are underfunded, under staffed, and frankly I know I can teach my child more, and more efficiently than the school system can.

c) Kindergarten is now all day. ALL DAY! From 8-3. That is 7 hours away from your child. I have known three sets of parents who have pulled their children from kindergarten for multiple reasons. Their complaints were that it was too long, the children were irritable and exhausted at the end of the day, the teachers were isolating, and humiliating their children, and one parent

compared the kindergarten to a prison camp for children. No talking, expectations beyond 5 year old capabilities, and only one recess for the entire 7 hours.

d)And lastly, the Attachment Parenting mother in me just won't allow it. Patrick is a sweet, sensitive, highly gifted child, and I know, without a doubt he would be crushed, and humiliated, and guided into the same little box with all of the other children. There is no "unique", there is no

"individuality". Patrick is highly imaginative, and I know that this would be stomped out of him, his desire to create, to learn, to ask questions and get answers. As an ap parent my job has been to protect my child from things that may hurt him, and his spirit and curiosity would most

defiantly be in jeopardy in the school system. I am a stay at home mother, and my dedication is to my children, my job does not stop at age 5, where I can ship him off for 7 hours. At the cost of

what? No thank you.

So we are homeschooling. He can learn more from me, how he needs to, how he learns, at his pace. We will be joining a home-school co-op so that we can be involved with other children, activities, field trips and sports should he choose to be involved. We just started him in Tae-kwon-do, and he is loving the socializing and activity. The homeschooling laws here seem pretty easy. I have to register our home-school each year, and I have to file a vaccination exemption form once a year. Then just keep all of his work, calendar, and info in a file should the state choose to come in and check our progress.

Patrick is excited to start, and we have been, "unofficially" doing some home-school already. He is excited to be learning his letters and his name among other things. Here are a few example of some of the things we have been doing.

Every day we are learning the days of the week, and the order they go in. We also check the weather and change it for each day.

For our first week, we are focusing on the letter Aa. Each day we do something different. We talk about A through the day, we rhyme A, we find A wherever we are, we sound out A,

and do activities that start with the letter A, or eat food that starts with the letter A.

Patrick has been learning to write the letter A, and his own name. It will take practice and time, but he will get it. I am so proud of his efforts.

And we read a story about the letter we are working on. He loves the little stories about each letter so far.

Lost.......or Found?

Well, it seems like I make it on here about every 2 weeks, lol. It is so hard for me to find the time. Norah is mobile now, and needs a lot of watching, and Patrick needs constant attention. The only time I really have a chance to be on here is when the baby is down for a nap, and thats if I don't have 70 other things to do while she sleeps.

I am organizing my life, day by day, and feel like I am making improvements. Hopefully I will have made a lot of progress by the next time I write. I have lot's to say, and I think it would be really great for me to use this blog to express myself as well as updates for family. I am so behind.......Cheers to catching up!

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Super Mom

I felt like Super mom today. I got a ton done today.

Patrick woke up with a fever of 103.9 so I called the doctors office. They informed me they could squeeze me in today, but it had to be in the next 30 minutes. So, we diaper changed, got dressed, shoes, diaper bag, drinks, and out the door by 10:20 with 10 minutes to spare to get to the Dr's. office.

Patrick is so cute, even with a high temp he sat patiently in his chair in the waiting room, swinging his feet and singing to himself. He loves people and the attention he gets from them. He knows he is adorable. We get into the patient room and Patrick explains to the nurse all of his symptoms, leaving little for me to explain. Cool! Our doctor comes in, (she's fantastic) and humors him, and empathizes with how rotten he feels and tells me he seems to have the symptoms of STREP. Really? How? We have not been anywhere, or around anyone, but regardless he is ill.

We got his prescription, got a copy of Norah's medical records (for her birth certificate) and off to the Medicine Shoppe to fill the script. Then we rush to McDonald's, yes McDonald's. Patrick was convinced it was the only thing that would make him feel better, and I was hungry so I gave in, lol. We went home and ate.

Norah fell asleep long enough for me to do some research on the computer for the AP meeting tomorrow, Patrick laid snuggled on the couch watching the Disney channel.

Once Norah woke up it was back to the Medicine Shoppe to get the script, then to the theatre to get a list of the free movies for the summer.

Loaded Patrick up on Amox. and Motrin, finished my research, made dinner, ate, played put Norah down for a late nap, had some wine........and now I am heading towards bed shortly, once Norah decides she is ready to go. All in all, it was a busy day and a lot got done.

Blog

I suck at blogging.

I don't think anyone even reads besides my mother.

Who cares.

In the words of my almost five year old, "I am having a bad day."

No real reason, I just am.

It's not one thing in particular........it's everything, lol.

I have everything and I want everything.

I have nothing...and I want everything.

I feel blessed most days, but some I don't.

Wish I was witty, or a poet.

I am a mother.

My Story of Spousal Abuse part2

I don't remember exactly when or why I was hit for the first time, but I know we were at my ex husbands parents house. I do remember the look on his face. I do remember how I felt inside and it was like he was holding my heart in his hand and stabbed it right in front of me. I cried.

I didn't leave.

He apologized and begged for forgiveness and once again professed his undying love for me. I forgave him. We were together for a very long four years. Over the course of this four years things continued to get worse. Of course it was years a go so I don't remember every day or detail, but I will list the ones that I do.

After we moved in with my ex's parents, he began becoming more controlling, about everything. Everyday was a challenge for me, to please him, to not do anything to upset him, and then start it all over again the next day. I was not allowed to go anywhere. I was 17, school was starting, naturally I would have started my Junior year, but he was afraid that I would leave him. He did not want me to go to school and be around other boys all day. He begged, I still wanted to go, he threatened, I told him I still wanted to go, and this is when he beat me for the first time. Again, I will never forget the look of his face. I was as if he had checked out, and someone else had checked in. His face, eyes, everything would change. I remember the fist blow, to my right arm. I leaned over and tried not to cry, as I looked up, almost in slow motion I saw him raise his leg to kick me, and BAM, I was down. He then walked up to me, leaned over and punched me two more times in the side. He then kicked me, and then said "Do something!" He said this as a threat, as a taunt, do something I dare you. I just sat there and cried. His parents were there, they heard the whole things and did nothing.

After he would hurt me, of course I would be mad, and horribly depressed and distraught, but he would say things to me like; I'm sorry girl, I love you so much, why do you make me have to get like that". So in my head, even though I knew it was not my fault, I heard his words, and I guess on some level I believed that I was somehow provoking him. I tried so hard not to do anything, because if I did something the wrong way, to loud, not fast enough, I was gonna get it.

If we were in public and he could not hit me, he would pinch and squeeze me. This action causes lovely bruises in places no one can see.

You ever hear the saying, "I love you so much I would die for you"? Well he had his own twist he would tell me all the time. "I love you so much, I would kill you." His motto literally was, if I can't have you, no one can.

My Story of Spousal Abuse

In the past several weeks I have been in several conversations about different kinds of abuse. Child abuse and and drug abuse. My aunt just finished a class where she became aware that there are in fact 21 different kinds of abuse. I have experienced many different kinds, but recently I have been reflecting on the abuse I encountered with my first husband. Yes, I was married before.

When I was 16 I met a man at the local restaurant we both worked at. I was a waitress and he was a cook. My job starting out at this restaurant was called the FC or Food Coordinator. It was my job to stand at the window, look at the tickets and food, and arrange the orders on trey according to seating. My other obligation was to make sure the food was pretty and presentable. I don't think it took to long before I was getting crap from the kitchen staff for sending food back because the mac and cheese looked old, or there was something wrong with the corn. One fellow in particular loved to give me a hard time and give my looks from behind the counter.

As time went by, this so called fellow and I became friends of sorts. He was dating a friend of mine, and I secretly crushed on him for some time. He seemed nice, friendly, and funny, and I liked to be around him. We soon started dating and all seemed well for a while. He helped build up my self esteem, always telling me how attractive and beautiful I was. He bought me my first pair of thong underwear, lol. He bought me pretty clothes, and took me places to meet his friends. He loved to show me off to anyone who would look, and he made me feel special. At 16, what girl wouldn't? he moved into my mothers home with us, and became a live in boyfriend.

Right before my 17th birthday, I found out that this dream man of mine was cheating on me, and it was with the friend that he had dated before me. The signs were there, but I ignored them until it was undeniable it was going on. I had noticed him staying out later, claiming to be at his friends, but I would find out he had not been there. This girl that was my friend came to me and told me she was sleeping with him. One morning I got up to run some errands with him and got into the car where there were two McDonalds cups in the cup holders. She worked at McDonalds. I then knew his late nights were being spent with her. I confronted him, and he denied it. The next sign was that this girlfriend of mine wanted to go to the mall and do some shopping. It was just going to be the two, because she needed him to take her. I let them know that I needed something as well and that I would be coming. She was pissed that I took the front seat, next to my boyfriend. I ended up not going, for what reason I don't know, I think at that point I gave up. Things slowed down a bit after that for about a week or two, and then I had a visitor. My girlfriend was living with a family, and one of them members of the family came by to show me an envelope of portraits from JcPenny's that the two, my boyfriend and my girlfriend had taken together. This was the first sign of a lier, and a cheater among other things. This was the first time I had really ever been betrayed, and I said I was done with him. Then he pulled something out of his bag of tricks that I would not know until years later, was like every other abuser there is out there and that he would use on me for the rest of our relationship.

Because of the proof of the cheat I had in my hand there was no way he could deny it, all he could now do was to plead and beg for forgiveness, and proclaim his never ending love for me. Tell me how he needed me, and could not live without me, that he would die without me. I took him back and forgave him. Knowing what I know now, this was the first thing that told him, "It is okay to abuse me." There was a big blow up at my home, and my mother gave us an ultimatum, either he moves out and we break up, or we get married. So we got married. Good reason to get married right, lol.

After this betrayal, we went back into I guess what they call the honeymoon faze. Everything was fin for a while, and then we had to move in with his parents. When we moved into his parents home that is when things changed drastically.....to be continued.........

A list of my abuse by my husband.

Things That You did to me:

You lied

You Cheated

You told me it was my fault

You said no one else would ever love me

You called me damaged goods

You called me fat

You called me Ugly

You yelled and scrame at me

You told me you would leave me if I got fat

You accused me of dishonesty

You accused me of cheating

You Isolated me

You kept me without a car or phone

You hated my family and wouldn't let me visit

You;

Hit me

Punched me

Kicked me in the floor

Pulled me by my hair

Body slammed me

Pushed me

Choked me

Threw things at me

Pinched me

Twisted my skin

Ripped my clothing off of my body

Slapped me

You Raped me

You mocked me

You hurt me in front of your Children

You called me Names

You Spit at me

You said you would kill me

You threatened my Family

You called me Crazy

You told me what to wear

You told me who I could and couldn't talk to

You told me who I could and couldn't look at

You made fun of me

You cut me down in front of others

You tried to Suffocate me

You tried to Stab me

You shot your gun at me

You held me hostage

You put me in the hospital

I could have died

To busy to type

I have come to the very real conclusion that I don't have a lot of time for things like blogging. I want to blog, I would love to, but the truth is......I am busy. Incredibly busy. Because of how busy I am, it keeps me from actually spending the time in front of the keyboard and writing about the things I really want to write about. I would love to write about my family for one, that is one of the main reasons I am here. I still owe my sister a Christmas video and have not even made the time to upload Thanksgiving photos. I am going to have to take it one day at a time. Perhaps I can set aside a small period of time for the computer to blog...of course there is no guarantee that this will happen.

I live my life on a moments notice. I really do try to plan and be organized, and this works some of the time, but we are also AP parents. This means we are child led, and it means that at any given time of the day I am at the beckon call of my children. I give them what they need, when they need it. Sometimes it is a pain in the butt, but it is the sacrifice I am willing to give to have my children he happy and secure. How nice would it be if all of us as children has the security of knowing mom and dad are there, to know in your mind without a doubt that your parents love you, and will not leave you or hurt you? I think it would have been amazing and this is what occupies my time with my kids right now. Answering every question I can, fixing every scrape, kissing every tear, and answering every cry. I love loving my babies and I love more than anything that thy know they are loved. They know! Patrick is going on five, and I can't seem to wrap my head around that. 5 is a big number for such a little boy. And I know that before I know it, Norah will be the same age. It goes by so fast, and so I am determined to give them all that I can in these few short years when it means the most. I would love to travel or continue my photography, or a million other things including blogging, but for now, the kids get my full attention.