My Story of Spousal Abuse

In the past several weeks I have been in several conversations about different kinds of abuse. Child abuse and and drug abuse. My aunt just finished a class where she became aware that there are in fact 21 different kinds of abuse. I have experienced many different kinds, but recently I have been reflecting on the abuse I encountered with my first husband. Yes, I was married before.

When I was 16 I met a man at the local restaurant we both worked at. I was a waitress and he was a cook. My job starting out at this restaurant was called the FC or Food Coordinator. It was my job to stand at the window, look at the tickets and food, and arrange the orders on trey according to seating. My other obligation was to make sure the food was pretty and presentable. I don't think it took to long before I was getting crap from the kitchen staff for sending food back because the mac and cheese looked old, or there was something wrong with the corn. One fellow in particular loved to give me a hard time and give my looks from behind the counter.

As time went by, this so called fellow and I became friends of sorts. He was dating a friend of mine, and I secretly crushed on him for some time. He seemed nice, friendly, and funny, and I liked to be around him. We soon started dating and all seemed well for a while. He helped build up my self esteem, always telling me how attractive and beautiful I was. He bought me my first pair of thong underwear, lol. He bought me pretty clothes, and took me places to meet his friends. He loved to show me off to anyone who would look, and he made me feel special. At 16, what girl wouldn't? he moved into my mothers home with us, and became a live in boyfriend.

Right before my 17th birthday, I found out that this dream man of mine was cheating on me, and it was with the friend that he had dated before me. The signs were there, but I ignored them until it was undeniable it was going on. I had noticed him staying out later, claiming to be at his friends, but I would find out he had not been there. This girl that was my friend came to me and told me she was sleeping with him. One morning I got up to run some errands with him and got into the car where there were two McDonalds cups in the cup holders. She worked at McDonalds. I then knew his late nights were being spent with her. I confronted him, and he denied it. The next sign was that this girlfriend of mine wanted to go to the mall and do some shopping. It was just going to be the two, because she needed him to take her. I let them know that I needed something as well and that I would be coming. She was pissed that I took the front seat, next to my boyfriend. I ended up not going, for what reason I don't know, I think at that point I gave up. Things slowed down a bit after that for about a week or two, and then I had a visitor. My girlfriend was living with a family, and one of them members of the family came by to show me an envelope of portraits from JcPenny's that the two, my boyfriend and my girlfriend had taken together. This was the first sign of a lier, and a cheater among other things. This was the first time I had really ever been betrayed, and I said I was done with him. Then he pulled something out of his bag of tricks that I would not know until years later, was like every other abuser there is out there and that he would use on me for the rest of our relationship.

Because of the proof of the cheat I had in my hand there was no way he could deny it, all he could now do was to plead and beg for forgiveness, and proclaim his never ending love for me. Tell me how he needed me, and could not live without me, that he would die without me. I took him back and forgave him. Knowing what I know now, this was the first thing that told him, "It is okay to abuse me." There was a big blow up at my home, and my mother gave us an ultimatum, either he moves out and we break up, or we get married. So we got married. Good reason to get married right, lol.

After this betrayal, we went back into I guess what they call the honeymoon faze. Everything was fin for a while, and then we had to move in with his parents. When we moved into his parents home that is when things changed drastically.....to be continued.........

A list of my abuse by my husband.

Things That You did to me:

You lied

You Cheated

You told me it was my fault

You said no one else would ever love me

You called me damaged goods

You called me fat

You called me Ugly

You yelled and scrame at me

You told me you would leave me if I got fat

You accused me of dishonesty

You accused me of cheating

You Isolated me

You kept me without a car or phone

You hated my family and wouldn't let me visit

You;

Hit me

Punched me

Kicked me in the floor

Pulled me by my hair

Body slammed me

Pushed me

Choked me

Threw things at me

Pinched me

Twisted my skin

Ripped my clothing off of my body

Slapped me

You Raped me

You mocked me

You hurt me in front of your Children

You called me Names

You Spit at me

You said you would kill me

You threatened my Family

You called me Crazy

You told me what to wear

You told me who I could and couldn't talk to

You told me who I could and couldn't look at

You made fun of me

You cut me down in front of others

You tried to Suffocate me

You tried to Stab me

You shot your gun at me

You held me hostage

You put me in the hospital

I could have died