It's Timmy's Birthday!!

On the 23rd will be Timothy's birthday. For those of you who do not know, he is one of my ex's children, he once was my step child, and to me....I was his mother. His mother was absent, and when he learned to speak, he called me mom, and his real mother by her name. He was my baby, and in spite of all the horror of my relationship with his father, for that brief time I had a baby, and he had a mother, and we loved each other as such. 

Through the years I wondered about Tim and his brothers, and since moving back to Clovis have made an effort to be available for them. Jerry is very understanding of this, and realizes that they are children, innocent, and always seeking love. We give when we can, and I know it may never be enough, but I believe it is better than none at all. These children have been through hell and back, more than once, and they have gone through and seen things children should never have too. My heart aches for them every day. Here is my letter for Tim on his birthday.  

Dear Tim,

                I remember the night your mother went into labor with you. It was a nice warm night.

 I remember the first time I met you, and how adorable and tiny you were. I could easily say that I fell in love with you rather quickly.

Soon after you were born, your father and I were living with your grandma and grandpa and every now and then your mother would leave you over night. We didn’t have any baby stuff or a crib for you to sleep in, only a baby carrier, and I could not stand the idea of you in it alone all night in the floor, so you slept on my chest or in my arms.

I was there for your first words, Ball….and Light. You were so proud of yourself, and I remember standing in my mother’s house with you, holding you as you flipped the light switch on and off, over and over again, saying “Light” and surprised each time it came on, and each time it turned off. I was there when you began to crawl. I was there when you learned to walk.

I remember you as a small two year old who was so cuddly, and loved to be held. You loved to be read to, and would bring me books. I remember you at three, and how you would snuggle with me on the couch most evenings while we watched t.v.

You were a caring, loving, sweet little boy full of wonder and were always so affectionate. I will always remember you that way, as my little Timmy. You are such a wonderful part of my past, and you will always be dear to me and hold a special place in my heart, forever.

I know life has not been the most wonderful for you, and at times your childhood may seem like it has or had been stolen from you. My hope for you is that you do not let these things harden you, and make you hate the world. Instead I hope they give you strength, and teach you compassion. Having love and understanding for your fellow man is a great quality, and to learn humility……that is what a real man is made of.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you, all filled with love, and endless possibilities. You are such a wonderful child, and I love you with all my heart. I will always, and I want you to know, that I am so glad that you were born. I hope your day is special.

XOXO

 Happy  Birthday