My Therapy

A few weeks ago I decided I really needed some "me" time. Time to think, time for quiet, time without children demanding things of me, or climbing all over me invading my personal space. Yes, I have some of the best children you will ever meet, but they are children with needs none the less. Being home 24/7 with them, I love, however, a girl needs a little time for quiet, time to reflect, meditate, or vent.

I decided I would take up running. I wanted to loose some weight, and tone my body, but mostly I wanted that time for myself. So I spoke with a friend who runs, and made a list of everything I needed to do it efficiently, and went shopping. I bought some Brooks shoes for running, and two running outfits. I bought and arm band so I could carry my ipod with me.

I started one evening around 8pm, when the sun was going down and it was cooling off from the hot day. I started out walking, and when I felt ready pushed myself to run. I was disappointed my first night running, ashamed I could not do much, but I knew I could build on that. I ran/walked for about 20 minutes, and then was exhausted, lol.

I started going three to four times a week. I loved the time, I loved the peace, I loved having the track to myself at that time of day, and I loved the energy boost and rush from it all. I loved it. I love it. I was now staying out there for 35 minutes, and running more than walking.

But then one evening I went like I had been, and I walked and I ran. I noticed when I ran that it was harder for me, that I almost had to push my body forward, and my feet were hitting so hard. By the time I got home I had realized that I had run to much, to hard, and I had injured myself, specifically my left knee.

I talked with my running friend who then told me that it sounded as if I were dehydrated, and needed to make sure I was keeping fluids in me, especially before a run. In the mean time, I was now dealing with a very painful injury, not knowing if I actually tore or broke something. I limped around the house for two weeks.

I am glad to report that whatever it is, has mostly healed. I was pretty scared thinking I may have to go see an orthopedic doctor and have an MRI on my leg, man did it hurt. So, I have not been running in two weeks. I have missed it so much, I miss my therapy!

The plan is to stay well hydrated, and walk, not run to start back out with, and see what happens, but my god, I can't wait to be back out there. So three cheers for healthy knees, and getting back out on the track, lol!!! Yip, Yip, Yip!!!!!!

It's Timmy's Birthday!!

On the 23rd will be Timothy's birthday. For those of you who do not know, he is one of my ex's children, he once was my step child, and to me....I was his mother. His mother was absent, and when he learned to speak, he called me mom, and his real mother by her name. He was my baby, and in spite of all the horror of my relationship with his father, for that brief time I had a baby, and he had a mother, and we loved each other as such. 

Through the years I wondered about Tim and his brothers, and since moving back to Clovis have made an effort to be available for them. Jerry is very understanding of this, and realizes that they are children, innocent, and always seeking love. We give when we can, and I know it may never be enough, but I believe it is better than none at all. These children have been through hell and back, more than once, and they have gone through and seen things children should never have too. My heart aches for them every day. Here is my letter for Tim on his birthday.  

Dear Tim,

                I remember the night your mother went into labor with you. It was a nice warm night.

 I remember the first time I met you, and how adorable and tiny you were. I could easily say that I fell in love with you rather quickly.

Soon after you were born, your father and I were living with your grandma and grandpa and every now and then your mother would leave you over night. We didn’t have any baby stuff or a crib for you to sleep in, only a baby carrier, and I could not stand the idea of you in it alone all night in the floor, so you slept on my chest or in my arms.

I was there for your first words, Ball….and Light. You were so proud of yourself, and I remember standing in my mother’s house with you, holding you as you flipped the light switch on and off, over and over again, saying “Light” and surprised each time it came on, and each time it turned off. I was there when you began to crawl. I was there when you learned to walk.

I remember you as a small two year old who was so cuddly, and loved to be held. You loved to be read to, and would bring me books. I remember you at three, and how you would snuggle with me on the couch most evenings while we watched t.v.

You were a caring, loving, sweet little boy full of wonder and were always so affectionate. I will always remember you that way, as my little Timmy. You are such a wonderful part of my past, and you will always be dear to me and hold a special place in my heart, forever.

I know life has not been the most wonderful for you, and at times your childhood may seem like it has or had been stolen from you. My hope for you is that you do not let these things harden you, and make you hate the world. Instead I hope they give you strength, and teach you compassion. Having love and understanding for your fellow man is a great quality, and to learn humility……that is what a real man is made of.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you, all filled with love, and endless possibilities. You are such a wonderful child, and I love you with all my heart. I will always, and I want you to know, that I am so glad that you were born. I hope your day is special.

XOXO

 Happy  Birthday

Color in the sky

I love rainbows. I love the conditions you have to have in order to get a rainbow. I can not tell you when the last time this dry state had rain, especially a rainbow.

We recently went to Missouri, to see family and friends, and new babies that have been born into the family. It rained the entire time we were there, lol, oh Missouri rain. Everything was so lush and green, and all the spring dogwoods were in bloom, and the thunderstorms were wonderful. The day after we arrived, on Jerry and I's anniversary, we are got together at Jerry's sisters house for dinner. It had been raining most the day, and in the evening the clouds cleared just a bit, and the rain became a sprinkle and there was a rainbow. It made me feel like it was just for me. Here are some photos from that evening.

Her

I miss her..... She has been on my mind daily. I wonder where she is, if she is okay, if she is happy or sad. I wonder if she feels all alone, and that makes my heart so sad for her. Feeling like you have no one in the world, feeling so alone can be such a dark place, I have been there, and I hate to think that, that is where she may be. I hope that she knows that no matter what I will always love her, and no matter what she will always have family that is willing to be there for her. I hope one day she finds the strength to put aside her anger and hate and let those who love her in. Her being completely absent from our lives has been so hard, much like a death, and the one it has effected the most is Patrick. Patrick always talks of her, and says how much he misses her, and it is so sad that she has chosen to distance herself from even him. She can call at any time to speak with him, I would never keep the two apart, and made sure I asked her before she left that she would stay in contact. I hope she knows that she can reach out, and for whatever reason she has not, I hope she can work past it.


I wish her nothing but Peace, inside her mind and body.
I wish her nothing but love, that she feels it, so much she wants to share it, and accept it.
I wish her happiness.
I wish her success.
I wish her strength.
I wish her self confidence.
I wish her good health.
I wish her courage to discover new things about the world and herself.
I wish for her the feeling of wholeness.

A few things

Well it's that time again. Packing away....It always amazes me how much stuff four people have, or need. Hopefully this will go quickly and we will be at peace once we hit the Missouri lines. Soon, we are all excited.

Quickly I wanted to share a few things.

Norah is not even two, but this does not stop her from insisting that she dress up in Patrick's tae-kwon-do uniform, and mimic his moves. She loves to do this. Here she is doing a tkd pose, and sporting Patrick's new yellow belt.

I started making some jewelry, but turned out in disaster for me. I love my new necklace, however, apparently my skin is allergic to the metal I used, so I will have to upgrade to better quality metal. No one else has had any problems though, so thats good. We will see.

I bought new shoes that I love.

Jerry and the kids are great. Norah loves the weekends when her daddy is home, and right now is his shadow when he is here. Patrick is as good as ever, not much taller, but sharp as a tack.

We need rain. The wildfires here have been horrible. We have not had rain here, in months, a really bad start, I imagine it wont be long before everyone is saying drought. Glad to be getting out of here, lots of rain in the forecast for our drive to the show me state.

Invite

Invitation

My Patrick

He is a character!

He rarely let's me photograph him without him making a silly face, and then demands to see the images right away.

But every now and then he lets me get one in there.

Patrick is one awesome little kid, and seems to finding his place once again. He has been doing great with school, and we are getting ready to start our first grade year.

We will be learning how to read and write music, play the recorder and then move on to the piano. We are going to be watercoloring with real watercolors, and learning to work with clay and to form pottery. We will also be focusing on reading and science as well. We are both so excited about our upcoming school year.

Patrick received his yellow belt last week in Tae-kwon-do and has been so excited all week long. He cant wait to go back tonight with his new yellow belt on.

Other than that, things have been very relaxed here lately, and we have been taking advantage of the nice weather.

If you would like to see the video from Patrick's yellow belt ceremony you can see them on facebook, and perhaps if i have the time, I may upload them here as well.

****UPDATE: Patrick and I decided that the best way for us to share our videos with family is to upload them onto Youtube, so we started our own channel. We are currently trying to figure it all out, and get video uploaded, but to start off, here is a message from Patrick himself!
YouTube Message from Patrick

My Norah

My Norah, is something else. Oh how I love her! She brings me so much joy.

Norah has been using the potty for the last two weeks going on three. I know, I was shocked too. She is only 19 months old, and I had no intention of potty training yet, but then here she was telling me it was time. It seemed as if literally one day she decided, "No more diapers". So naturally, she has been running around stark naked for the last couple of weeks.

She has been going number 1 and 2 on the potty all day, everyday, and only wears a diaper at night. How is this possible? Lol. She sure is cute though, and her little potty dance is adorable.

Here is Norah on her potty, in the closet, with her puppy of course.

I am so proud of her. Of course we have had a few accidents, but they happen and we don't make a big deal out of them. No pressure.

Did I mention she loves to be naked?

And she loves to play.

.....I know you read my blog

I forgive you!

Did I say "Blog Everyday"?

Okay, sooooooo, did I say everyday I was going to blog?

Lol, not practicable, because something always comes up, and I always have an excuse to not do what I said I was going to do. I don't mean to do this, it's just the chaos of my life right now. This has bothered me lately. I want to do everything, and be there for everyone, but I cant, and by saying I "can't", I feel like a failure, which I am not.....am I? No. I think the real problem is I set unrealistic goals and expectations for myself. My mother always tells me I need to say "no" more.

"Sure I can have that for you next week", "sure I can come by on Friday", "sure, no problem", "I'm flexible", "whenever", lol. The real problem? I don't often have a whenever. Or the kids get sick, or I get sick, or some other thing comes up. It feels like I have not had a break in a long time. Wanna see?

Last April-Jerry and I's wedding anniversary and my sisters wedding in PA.
May-my birthday, summer, usually some family weekend planned.
June-Patrick's birthday.
August-Norah's birthday.
September-Jerry's birthday.
October- preparing for fall and Halloween.
November-Thanksgiving.
December-Christmas and family road trip.
January and February are left to recover everything that had been lost.
This March- My sister moved in briefly.
Now, I am trying to pick up all of the pieces once again.

Somewhere in all of this we are doing homeschooling, Tae-Kwon-Do, writing monthly for the newspaper, photography, home improvement, gardening, sewing, and more. I can barely keep my house plants watered at the moment. I feel like I am in some need of some serious stillness.

Don't get me wrong, I don't not want to do any of these things. They all bring me joy, but it also leaves me feeling like I never have a moment of peace. I currently am trying to complete 70 projects,(okay, not really 70) and I feel like I accomplish nothing. I probably have 10 if not more ongoing projects that are all, half done, or almost done, but alas not done. I have people waiting on photos, and owe them, but have a hard time finding the time to sit and edit. Time for a priority check? Maybe!

I want to do all of these things, but it has come to my attention, that I am not a superhero and can not move at the speed of light. I cant snap my fingers and have it all done. This disappoints me, but also helps me to understand my false beliefs better. If I want less work, I have to take on less. If I want quiet time, I have to make and allow that time. And it is hard, there are times where I have to force myself. I think as a woman, a mother, a....whatever, I have become accustomed to the high energy, running all the time way of life. So when quiet finds me, or stillness, I feel like I should be moving, or doing something, I invent things to do to occupy that time. Whooosh!!!! I just wore myself out talking about it, lol.

So,long story to shor.......well, to late, lol, the point is, I am going to clean house, "internally". It may take me a while, first task is laundry, lol, and then the hard stuff. Me! I want to be dedicated more to my children like I once was. I feel I started taking on other things that gave me joy, but some have turned into chores I despise now, and have taken my time and focus away from my kids that are the most important.

So I am going to move forward and do my best to cut some things out. Just as soon as May is over, lol. The end of April we are taking a trip, and the end of May as well. OMG!!! Lol, this did nothing for me today. Have a nice day!!!!

Blogging Again

Good Morning!

I realize at this point I am incapable of being a consistent blogger. I was thinking of making a commitment to blog on a daily basis to get myself back in the habit. I know some of you are far away, and it is the main reason I began the blog in the first place, so that you could peek into our lives on a routine basis, and especially so you can see the kids grow. So, I am going to make sure I do that! It is important to me that family and friends don't feel disconnected just because we live far away. Please bare with me though, as I start a blog routine, lol.

In the mean time I will introduce our new cat!

March 19th, 2011

Need your help, Fellow Moms and Dads (POLL)

Dear friends and family, and anyone else who has found there way here,


I have been asked, and I am super excited, to write a monthly article for the Clovis News Journals, new Parenting segment along with my mother. Each and every month we will be given a topic to write on, and I am so excited to do this.

However, in my articles I would love to not only give my view on the subject matter, but also provide the objective view. I need you for this. I would really love it if you would take the time to fill out the poll, and leave a comment either here, or email me at mjpdruba@yahoo.com. Your opinion matters. I want your view, how you feel about it, what your choice was, why you made that decision, and so on. Ready?????

Here we are!

The subject is, as stated below. What is an appropriate age to pierce a girls ears?


create free polls | comment on this

Toes

Well, I'm up. Before everyone else on a Saturday morning. Thinking I should take this time to spend on me, made some coffee, and now I might paint my toe nails, lol.

The game of life (Catching up with the Druba's)

Well hello there.......remember me?

I promised more than once that I would write and I never did. I have had a million reasons not to.

   Life here has been crazy since.....well really since Thanksgiving, but it rolled into Christmas, and on and on. I realized that I was way behind on photos as well, so I thought I would post some from the last two months. Not all, because after all there are a million I have taken between now and then, but I can spare some time for a few. I guess all the real crazy started around Christmas, and now it seems like months ago, not just one.
   The tree went up after Thanksgiving, and the kids and I decorated it. Norah was confused at why there was a tree in the house and why we were decorating it, but as soon as she saw all of the pretty treasures we were going to put on the tree I could see the approval on her face.

Speaking of faces, lol. We have had an amazingly warm winter this year, and several weeks ago the children were out playing in the back yard. Norah loves to play outside, loves to, and she was playing in the dirt while I was chatting with my aunt, when she turned around and I saw this!

Could you just die? Lol. She completely racooned herself with dirt, and was so, so proud. Here she is saying "Cheese".

Love my baby Girl!

She is such a character and I know I say this all the time, but she truly is, and I feel so lucky to have her my daughter. So here are a few more of her silly and cuteness, lol.

Norah is such a light in our lives, she definitely adds some more fun around here. 

Back to Christmas......

It was probably the best one we have had this far. The kids are truly loved by everyone, and we are so blessed to have all of the financial support that comes for Christmas. We were able to purchase some items for the children we really had wanted for them, and made the day special. Norah received a doll house for Christmas and a ride in push car. Patrick received a Lego table and new Lego's. The kids got oodles of other things, but those were the big ticket items. We did stockings and all, and a feast at my mothers later that evening. It was a perfect day, and Norah got the hang of opening gifts really fast.

Before Christmas, I wanted to get Christmas cards sent out, so I dressed up the kids and took some pictures. I took several of the kids together, but Patrick demanded his own photo shoot. Patrick is such a unique little man, and I love him so much, he will always be my baby boy, and it is so hard to look at him and see how big he is getting. Here are a few of my favorites of Patrick, lol.

He is a hoot, and loves to make funny faces and be in funny poses for pictures.

After Christmas Patrick got the stomach flu, as did Norah, but here he is all set up playing a game on the computer while he was sick, with Norah of course.

So like I said a lot going on. My sister moved in last week, and will be here for a while, and I am hoping for it to be a great experience for all of us. We worked really hard the two weeks before she came, and cleaned out our extra room, tiled the bathroom and painted, and so much more. By the end the room was set up for comfort and relaxation....I hope.

And last but not least today I wanted to talk about my husband, who I love dearly.

He is the best dad on the planet you know, I mean really. Here he is wearing Norah in the sling. She loves hanging out with him.

And they play so well together now. He loves her like a father should, and she is completely in love with him. And to top it off, as if he could not be even more awesome, he is an amazing husband as well. And this morning when I woke up, I found little love notes left all over the house for me. It was special for me, and made me feel loved. With all of the activity and stress the last few months it was a great way to cheer me up a bit. He is the best father and husband ever.