Did I say "Blog Everyday"?

Okay, sooooooo, did I say everyday I was going to blog?

Lol, not practicable, because something always comes up, and I always have an excuse to not do what I said I was going to do. I don't mean to do this, it's just the chaos of my life right now. This has bothered me lately. I want to do everything, and be there for everyone, but I cant, and by saying I "can't", I feel like a failure, which I am not.....am I? No. I think the real problem is I set unrealistic goals and expectations for myself. My mother always tells me I need to say "no" more.

"Sure I can have that for you next week", "sure I can come by on Friday", "sure, no problem", "I'm flexible", "whenever", lol. The real problem? I don't often have a whenever. Or the kids get sick, or I get sick, or some other thing comes up. It feels like I have not had a break in a long time. Wanna see?

Last April-Jerry and I's wedding anniversary and my sisters wedding in PA.
May-my birthday, summer, usually some family weekend planned.
June-Patrick's birthday.
August-Norah's birthday.
September-Jerry's birthday.
October- preparing for fall and Halloween.
November-Thanksgiving.
December-Christmas and family road trip.
January and February are left to recover everything that had been lost.
This March- My sister moved in briefly.
Now, I am trying to pick up all of the pieces once again.

Somewhere in all of this we are doing homeschooling, Tae-Kwon-Do, writing monthly for the newspaper, photography, home improvement, gardening, sewing, and more. I can barely keep my house plants watered at the moment. I feel like I am in some need of some serious stillness.

Don't get me wrong, I don't not want to do any of these things. They all bring me joy, but it also leaves me feeling like I never have a moment of peace. I currently am trying to complete 70 projects,(okay, not really 70) and I feel like I accomplish nothing. I probably have 10 if not more ongoing projects that are all, half done, or almost done, but alas not done. I have people waiting on photos, and owe them, but have a hard time finding the time to sit and edit. Time for a priority check? Maybe!

I want to do all of these things, but it has come to my attention, that I am not a superhero and can not move at the speed of light. I cant snap my fingers and have it all done. This disappoints me, but also helps me to understand my false beliefs better. If I want less work, I have to take on less. If I want quiet time, I have to make and allow that time. And it is hard, there are times where I have to force myself. I think as a woman, a mother, a....whatever, I have become accustomed to the high energy, running all the time way of life. So when quiet finds me, or stillness, I feel like I should be moving, or doing something, I invent things to do to occupy that time. Whooosh!!!! I just wore myself out talking about it, lol.

So,long story to shor.......well, to late, lol, the point is, I am going to clean house, "internally". It may take me a while, first task is laundry, lol, and then the hard stuff. Me! I want to be dedicated more to my children like I once was. I feel I started taking on other things that gave me joy, but some have turned into chores I despise now, and have taken my time and focus away from my kids that are the most important.

So I am going to move forward and do my best to cut some things out. Just as soon as May is over, lol. The end of April we are taking a trip, and the end of May as well. OMG!!! Lol, this did nothing for me today. Have a nice day!!!!